Four years ago, I met someone. Someone interesting, with a personality and able to perform enough in the way of mental gymnastics to pique my curiosity, unlike the vast majority of gay men in Pakistan. And we talked. We exchanged phone numbers. He–like many of the people in whom I find myself interested–was living in [...]
Postcolonial deviancy and occasional self-pity
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Chapter 19
December 11th, 2008 by Ochre Breaking up with Curfew Boy was surprisingly uneventful, with a lack of drama that I almost–but only just, mind you–found to be dull. At the very least, I was hoping for tears (on either side), but we happened to be really mature and prosaic about it, which is, I suppose, a good thing.
Less so, in [...] -
Chapter 18
November 9th, 2008 by Ochre So, yes. I’ve been on something of a hiatus, and there are many, many, many reasons for that. They range from the mundane (I’ve been working a lot) to the somewhat exciting (I was travelling for about a month, on business, sadly enough), and ultimately wind up at the somewhat basic (I didn’t really have [...]
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Chapter 17
July 27th, 2008 by Ochre I don’t know how or what I’m supposed to feel. I’m not sure what to do “in a relationship”, or if I’m subconsciously pushing for something with Curfew Boy to work out because I’m so petrified of not being single, or if I’m mentally sabotaging myself by admitting to the confusion I have running through [...]
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Chapter 16
July 13th, 2008 by Ochre I’m still slightly wary of saying anything about how Curfew Boy & I are doing here, other than in the vaguest terms, because despite knowing how it’s irrational to feel this way, I can’t stop wondering if “framing” our interaction in some way will automatically cause it to implode.
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Chapter 15
June 21st, 2008 by Ochre This whole gay wedding thing confuses me. Mainly because I’ve never really been in a relationship of any sort (notwithstanding Curfew Boy, and the definition for that is still up for grabs), and I don’t think I’ve ever thought about a man beyond “Well, once we’ve hooked up, maybe we’ll be able to do [...]
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Chapter 14
June 9th, 2008 by Ochre Here’s the thing. I can’t just get up and go. If I could, life would be much easier.
And it’s not just about the family members I need to take care of. Hell, in a weird way, that’s the easiest problem to get around. It’s the simple logistics.
When you’re Pakistani, between the [...] -
Chapter 13
May 25th, 2008 by Ochre The little inconveniences of life can sometimes be really aggravating. For example, I’m sitting in Lahore right now, trying to kill 90-odd minutes between my check-out time (past) and car to the airport (yet to happen), because it was impossible for me to get on an early evening flight back to Karachi, and instead [...]
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Chapter 12
May 11th, 2008 by Ochre Being in London for the last fortnight has been a wonderful, heady mixture of joy, trepidation, and about three times, unmitigated panic. The whole experience has been surreal–in the last few years, the city has both changed so much and so little, that my time has felt like a series of overexposed photographs, images [...]
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Interlude
April 26th, 2008 by Ochre It’s been two weeks since last I saw Curfew Boy; or is it three now? I suppose it’s three, since the weekend has officially begun, and therefore I saw him two weekends ago….or whatever it is, it’s almost two in the morning and I can’t do the math.
But I’ve been insanely busy at work [...]
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